This is Why I'm Single

I wish promiscuity was a less taboo area in society.  I would have gotten busy with many more men.  Sometimes you just see someone or meet them, and you think, “Damn, I don’t want to date him at all, but I would love to do naughty things to, with or for him”.  I know it’s not just me, so don’t be acting all “OH, well that would NEVER be me.” Liar. Society, mores, church, personal guilt all keep us in our panties and some of you in your your boxers or boxer briefs. 

Sometimes you can’t help yourself, so as a woman, you go through the charade of a few dates, knowing all you both want is a romp, but you’re a good girl, so it’s ok if you’re dating.  We should be more like our ape cousins and just get it when a good lookin’ baboon with a big flamin’ red ass parades by. 

And sometimes it was worth the charade of “Oh yeah, you’re band/poetry/dog is great”,  and he is worth every little bat of your eyelash, but a lot of times you could have saved some time and taken care of business solo. 

There are a couple of guys right now who are smart and funny and super hot who I’d like to actually date – not just get busy with, but they haven’t made the move yet, so I’ll bide my time for now. Don’t think I won’t ask you out if you take too long. I have to test the waters, make sure that the interest is mutual, but when I’m ready, I’m on it. Except for one boy.  I just can’t “man up” and tell him, hey we’d be pretty fucking awesome together.  So, i will stay in the dreaded friend zone with that one.

OK, this has just turned in to some sleepy time induced ramble. Do what you will with it.

Another one from the other blog, but still pertinent.
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romance refresher

I may have written about this before, so if you’ve read this before please feel free to stop at any time. However, I am sure it will be even more brilliant and eloquent the second time around. (and if you’re a man, you probably need a refresher)

Yes, it IS a year later, and yes, I AM still single. I want to be wooed. Is that bad or anti-feminist of me? I want sweet cards and flowers. I like having doors held for me. It is a big turn on to be wanted and desired, right? I mean, who wouldn’t want that?? Have a I been single too long? Do these things now happen in real life these days? Is what I would like only a Hollywood-induced fantasy of how romance is? I mean, I don’t need to be swept off to Paris on someone’s private jet. I am not unrealistic. A sweet email, a text, a card, flowers.

Take note men: Women still like (and want) romance. We’re suckers for it! The old adage “You get more flies with honey, than with vinegar” stands the test of time! It doesn’t have to be extravagant, just thoughtful. Find out what they like and indulge them! This goes for you married men as much (or more) as it does for single men.

I am sure you all do thoughtful things. Thoughtful and romantic are not synonymous. Thoughtful will get you a hug or kiss; romantic will get you, well, you know. PLAN a date, don’t leave it up to us. Be original. Hold our hand in public sometimes. If you try, I promise, we’ll appreciate it, and we’ll love that you tried, even if you do something corny and silly, we’ll be happy.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe it is just me.

Recently, someone asked me about my most memorable date. Most of the dates that I have had that are memorable are memorable because they were so crappy. It reminded me of the worst date I ever had.

When I was in 11th grade, my best friend Debbie and I had met these college freshmen boys from USC. Details on how we met them escape me. One boy in particular caught my eye, Dante. I know. I know. The name alone should have warned me, but I was young, and he was hot. Picture it, Columbia, 1986, a beautiful young high school junior meets a hot young college freshman. Okay, I was slightly above average looking, but he WAS hot. He had long blonde hair, -hey, it was the 80s damnit- blue eyes, and best of all, he was realllly smart. I have always been a sucker for a smart guy. Anyway, after we had all been hanging out one Friday night, I drinking a two liter bottle of Sun Country cherry wine coolers, the rest drinking beer or wine, Dante asked me out. Woohoo! Well, I should have known better. The date was riding with him to Rock Hill to drop off some winter things and pick up some other things because it was getting close to time for school to be over.

That night, Debbies front axle fell out of The Banana Boat and we waited literally hours on Main Street in front of the USC School of Law for her lame ass dad to send a tow truck to get us. Lord knows HE was not going to do it. We got home around daylight. Dante was picking me up at 7:30 to leave for Rock Hill. To this day I do not why we left that early. Needless to say, I was extraordinarily sleepy, but I went. It was downhill from there.

Problem 1

I had explained to him about how we had not gotten much sleep, hoping he would let me off the hook for a small nap (as a REAL gentleman would have), but he said, Aw man, that sucks! I bet you are tired. Lets talk about the most boring subject I can think of. Okay, he didnt say that last partbut he proceeded to do just that! Granted, I am a relatively intelligent girl. Even as a high school girl, I could carry my own in most any conversation on nearly any topic. HOWEVER, just because I COULD talk about any topic did not mean I WANTED to. I do not even KNOW how this topic arose, but someone I found myself in a discussion over the Watergate scandal. Why were young adults talking about freaking Watergate at 8:00 on a beautiful spring morning? Perhaps I would not have minded so much if I had gotten more than 1 and a half hour of sleep. I was just NOT in the mood. Finally, the KIMFINNEY in me came out and I said, Do we really have nothing more interesting we can talk about? He became a little miffed, but he let it go.

Problem 2

When we arrived in Rock Hill, I was getting my third or fourth wind and we were getting along. When we walked into his house I met his mother. SHE WAS AN OLDER VERSION OF ME! My new crush had an Oedipal complex! She had short curly dark hair like I had, fair skin, bubbly personality. She was really nice! We were also wearing the exact same sweater, color and all. I was so freaked out. Dante spent the next two hours ignoring me and talking to his mom. He was definitely a mamas boy. She started his laundry! We had to stay until his dirty clothes were clean.

Problem 3

His father came in and we all had lunch. I dont even remember what it was, but at least it was edible. While we were eating, someone was outside practicing a TRUMPET! It was very nearby and we could hear every single botched note clearly. I was slap happy from the sleep deprivation and the entire twilight zone aspect of this date, that I started laughing and couldnt stop. I know his mom and dad thought I was a fool.

Problem 4

We barely spoke the entire trip home, so it was big fun. I did mention that his mom and I bore a striking resemblance. He didnt seem to appreciate the observation.

Problem 5

When we got back to Columbia, instead of taking me home first, he went to his dorm, parking a good two blocks away and asked me to help him carry all this crap we had brought back! I toted this big ass basket of his freshly laundered clothing while he carried two guitars.

Problem 6

Oh, yeah, did I mention he was a musician.

Problem 7

When we got home, I think he actually wanted to give me a good bye kiss! WHAT??? He must have been NUTS. I jumped out of that car, yelled bye over my shoulder and bounded up the steps to my house. Only stopping once I was safely inside.

This was hands down the worst date I had been on. I only refer to it as a date because he said, wanna go out? I didnt hear from him for several months. Then one night, I was working on some project for history when he appeared on my doorstep. I invited him in to be polite, which is where the niceties ended. We made small talk. He made some comment and I retorted. It was so unimportant that I dont even know what it was about now. He said, You always have to have the last word.

I said, No, I dont. You do.

He laughed and said, Uh. No.

I said, Really? Then what are you doing here? You had to get the last word after that disaster of a date when I yelled bye and took off.

He said, I just came by to see how you were doing.

I just smiled. I figured if I gave him the freakin last word, hed leave me the hell alone. Nooooo. He kept going on and on defending himself. Finally, I said, Listen, I need to finish this, youre gonna have to leave.

Oh, Okay.

As he was walking out of the door, I did get the last word. I said, Glad you got that last word you were seeking. And slammed the door.

I think some of these I am reposting are on my other blog because I was ignoring this dating blog. We had broken up, but we’ve reuinted.

2012, February 25 by booknurd | Edit

Sometimes, I have a dream about you, and it just rips me back twenty years. My heart breaks all over again. You used to say I would be the one to leave first, but I told you it would be you. I knew I would love you through everything, and I would have. I might still. Some days I am pretty sure I’m over it, but other days I am sure there will always be the lion’s share of my heart that still has your initials carved in it. Those out of the blue dreams are always so bittersweet. They are always so sweet and innocent, so real. Then I wake up and remember that it hasn’t been that way in decades.

I wish I could be more resolute when I sleep, more determined to keep you out of that vulnerable zone. I don’t even think I want the you of today. I think I want the us of yesterday. I’m no romantic fool. I don’t pine for you, but I do think I miss what we could have had. I do know that I have never in my life loved someone the same way, so openly, so completely. I think I have managed to guard against that heartbreak again. I try to lower that shield sometimes, but it always ends up in a disappointment, but disappointment is far easier to overcome than heartbreak.

This is from my other blog. I’m not sure why I posted it there and not here…
2012, February 25 by booknurd | Edit

OK, I have been pretty open about the whole “I’m going to try to the online dating thing”. In December, I filled out a profile for OK Cupid. I have actually had some pretty decent success on this one. I’ve gone on a few dates. I do have a couple of complaints (of course). It specifically states in my profile that I am looking for a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. So why then, do these guys who just want to get laid have a casual affair continue to contact me? PLEASE READ!!! Also, in a similar vein. why do you guys have long term relationship as one of the things you’re looking for when clearly you’re not looking past how to get me out of my panties.

Unfortunately for me, I am at an age where most of the men I am meeting have been married and divorced and are bitter about love and relationships again. Thanks bitchy, cheating women for making my life difficult. Granted, I CAN be a bitch, but I have never cheated one someone, so why should I have to suffer? Most of the guys I meet are ready to be a 20 something bachelor again, whereas I am ready to finally settle down and get married. I’ve even gone out with guys I would normally say no to. I’ll keep trying I guess.

Being a Finney Girl is a hard task.

Jun 10, 2012 – 1:33am
hello, i am not a bad guy thats is after sex or the mexican thing, i just wanna

Jun 10, 2012 – 1:39am
What Mexican thing?

Jun 10, 2012 – 1:59am
I mean those silly things, like just looking after one night stand.

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I still don’t understand what the Mexican thing has to to do with anything. Is he implying that all Mexicans are just after one night stands? He looks like he could be Hispanic or bi-racial. I haven’t decided to respond.

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Jun 4, 2012 – 1:33pm
hello how are u doing ? you’re so pretty , i’ll be happy to get know ,do you’ve email yahoo ? waiting ur message if u interesting ,kiss and hugs

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He’s from Morocco, and this is his second attempt to contact me. He’s persistent.

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May 29, 2012 – 2:04am
Enamored, elated, and excited that’s all the e words I have at the moment but all describe my thoughts while I read your profile. You are a whimsical journey only a Monty Python skit would dare capture. I have not read a funnier, nonsensically random profile since I began this journey. I hope my message is only slightly creepier than what I think it is. I think they are all creepy, to be perfectly honest with you, no matter how intellectually honest they are meant to be. Well, be still my beating heart, and all that stuff. Cause you have really made me laugh. On a serious note, not liking grits is indeed scandalous. Sweet tea can be too sweet, however l, you better enjoy BBQ! If not I will take your southern girl card away. Have fun silently checking my grammar. I hope it’s not too bad. Be warned though I’m almost fluent in German and can speak a few Russian words and will attempt to learn Hindi in the near future. I work in IT so it behooves me to do so.

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I’m not sure why he could only use E words, but he deleted his profile before I could ask him. Also, why does he want his message to be creepy?

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May 21, 2012 – 11:25am

Hi how are you doing? For now you can call me Money and I must tell you that you look amazing. I do have a girlfriend but if it’s any woman in the world that can change my relationship status then I have to trust and believe it would be you. I don’t know your situation and you don’t know mine and we can keep it like that for now but if you ever have a change of heart be sure to write congress and shoot me an email as well…lol because you are gorgeous! I know I shouldn’t have gotten on this thing…lol but anyways I’m just on here looking for a cool female to kick it with whenever I can get free and that’s usally on the weekends. I got my own everything so I won’t be asking you for yours. All I want from you is a nice genuine friendship and what ever happen from there will be your fault…lol nah but seriously I know you at least would like to see who you are talking to but don’t worry about that for now, lets just keep it spontaneous but If you insist on seeing a pic of me and this conversation can’t continue until that happens then if you can send me your email I’ll send a couples pics to you now. So what’s up, if you ain’t scared to rock the boat with me then holla back or forever hold your peace. Peace!!

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One of my most favorites. It is either a ‘bot or someone very unoriginal because one of my friends got the exact same one. I AM scared to rock his boat.

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sold_gf_on_POF
6/9/2012 11:55:55 PM
Free tonight?

me
Free for what? Checkers? IHOP? A Hot Pocket?
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OK, I included this dude’s “handle” because what the fuck? He sold his girlfriend on Plenty of Fish? That is supposed to lure me in? And am I free for what? No response yet. NO WHERE on my profile does it say I am interested in hooking up and fucking some random dude because he asks. I’m a bitch. He better get his shit together.

Most of you have seen this, but for those of you in bloggy land who haven’t, I received this heartfelt email yesterday. I must admit, I have been asking him ridiculous questions, #1 to see if it’s a bot, #2 to see how far I can go…
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Impressing is what i describe your profile as… A near perfect description of what i desire in a woman. I could describe you with one word… delicious! after going through your profile i realize nothing is more beautiful to me than you, even your picture goes a long way in describing the quintessential underlying beauty any man would seek for in a woman…. I like you after reading your profile. I would like to know you better and am sure something deeper will spring from there…
My heart has only one chamber and it’s a room reserved for someone special like you…
I suggest it will be a perfect crime that i stole your heart and you stole mine too. Feel free to give me a call on my phone number xxx-xxx-xxxx or send me an email to jxxxxxxx@yahoo.com or let’s get chatting on instant messenger and get to know more about ourselves… My screen name for yahoo instant messenger is jxxxxxx.
I want to evoke such a passion within us that leaves us both breathless.
I await your reply.
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My reply:
can you cook hot pockets?

I admit I stole this idea from another website
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His reply:

I am sorry please but what do you mean “can i cook hot pockets”?

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My reply:

do you believe in UFOs and aliens? i do. i think i was abducted during college

I have’t heard back from dearest Jose

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